Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
