If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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