recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
