What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
