I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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