I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Screwed.edu
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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