I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
