instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
