Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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