Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
