there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize