Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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