i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't deserve a penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
