peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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