I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
