how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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