i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
