How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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