I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
