you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
