She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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