Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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