Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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