You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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