There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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