Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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