I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
