I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
