wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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