my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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