what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize