I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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