the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
