Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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