That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
