there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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