its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
