Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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