then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
