She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
