i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
