he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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