I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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