i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
