You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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