I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
