You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize