is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
