i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
