So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
