used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is wine microwaveable?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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