i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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