xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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