just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
be right there i have to get my cape
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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