i think my tv is drunk
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
from now on my penis is your penis
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
