I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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