she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
