I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
